The Best Parents

By James (Age 10, Renaissance College Hong Kong)

Once upon a time, there was a boy called Dell. He had a very strict father and mother. They made Dell do all his homework in three hours. They also forced Dell to play the piano and the violin for at least one hour every day. They didn't let Dell go for sleepovers and after-school activities, and made him sleep at ten o'clock every night. They also didn't let Dell eat unhealthy and food that was meat. Dell only could eat vegetables. He only got friends that were very dorky, like people that had very good grades. Dell also needed to get good grades. Dell needed to walk to school every day because his mom thought that he needed more time to do more exercise.

One day, when Dell woke up, he looked at the clock and it was eleven o'clock on a Sunday morning. He quickly woke up and ran to brush his teeth and change his clothes. He dressed up and saw his dad and mom cooking breakfast. He ran down and dropped to his knees and said, "I am sorry, dad, mom, I know I should have woken up at eight o'clock in the morning, but I didn't. Sorry, can you forgive me?"

His dad said, "We turned off your alarm clock because we think we've been too strict on you. We read this article about tiger parents. We know that we should give you freedom. So, today, the whole day is your freedom day. You can do whatever you like and you can say all of your wishes out and we will make them come true."

Dell stood up and hugged them both and said thank you. He wrote down a lot of things and told his parents to buy them. The things he wrote were: PSP (new version), NDS I, iPhone 5, iPod Touch, a MacBook Pro, a 43-inch television, and a Visa card. He played with all of the things he bought the whole day until it was 11:48. Dell asked his dad and mom if he could have two wishes. He said, "Dad, mom, can I have two wishes? If I can, my first wish is to own the things you bought for me today. The second wish is that I want to have just a little bit of freedom: like after I finish my homework, piano and violin, can I play games for awhile? I want to have sleepovers with friends and I want to sleep at eleven every night. I also want these wishes to last forever in my life."

The next day, when Dell woke up in the morning, it was eight o'clock. Dell ran down and saw that breakfast was ready. Dell ate his breakfast and changed his clothes and went to school. This time, Dell's dad and mom said to drive him to school. After school that night, when they ate dinner, Dell's dad and mom said, "Dell, we thought about it all night. We want you to have more freedom. Now, we will set the rules again. You can play with your things after you finish your piano and violin and homework. Piano and violin practice will be changed to fifty minutes. You can have other friends but they can't make you go crazy because you are our only son. You still need to get good grades but you can get one B. We will not be so strict like before. You can eat a little meat but you still need to eat vegetables. You can sleep at eleven o'clock but no later than that. The real thing is, we just want to help you." Dell hugged them and went to play the piano.

Helicopter Parents

By Erica (Age 14, St. Paul's)

"Darling honey, what do you want to eat? Do you want to try the chicky wings, or do you want to eat the cute wobbly jelly? Make up your mind, chocolate pie," a mother cooed behind me to her child. It happened during the summer when we were queuing up in a fast food chain, with her standing behind me. I turned my head, fully expecting to see a lovely toddler with cute pigtails, for they are the only ones who understand baby talk. However, to my utmost horror, the 'toddler' was actually a teenager, around my age, with a mask covering half of her face. Instead of being embarrassed, she giggled in a way that resembled Dora the Explorer. As if that wasn't enough, she replied to her mother in the same baby talk nonchalantly, not realizing that she was already too old for it.

The term "helicopter parents" was coined by an American author and refers to parents who constantly hover around their child. These "helicopter parents" give the best of everything to their child, pamper them with all sorts of luxuries and let the child do whatever they want, just to make them happy. These parents are always there to help their child, even when the requests made are outrageous. A teacher once told me that during a school trip to Beijing, a student's mom went along and stayed exactly where the child and the other students were staying. The child later complained to her mom that the mattress was too hard for her to sleep on. So the mother immediately went to the nearest shop and got her daughter a new mattress, which she slept on for only ten days. This is the perfect example of how spoiled kids are in Hong Kong. If parents follow their children everywhere, the kids will not be able to learn how to be independent and cope with unexpected situations.

Loving a child will easily turn into spoiling a child if parents don't draw the line somewhere. Parents will not always be able to provide for the child and be together with them. If children are accustomed to being the 'master' and having everything their way, they will suffer badly when they grow up since nobody will be there to unconditionally 'serve' them. Parents should focus on long-term effects rather than short-term ones when they want to pamper their child.

For example, when parents are reluctant to let their child go to overnight camps for fear that it's dangerous, they should focus on the good side. Camping is a great opportunity to test the child's independence, learn survival skills and be tougher. Keeping them at home will only hinder their personal and mental growth. Some lessons cannot be learned at home and it's time for the parents to let go.

Always being there for the child and helping them unconditionally will also affect the child's personality. The child may take the parents for granted and expect them to do everything for them. Bad attitude and aggressive behavior are also associated with over-pampering. My fifteen-year old cousin still needs his mom to bring him to school, carry his schoolbag and bring him lunch occasionally. My aunt brings him books for tutorial classes and calls him every ten minutes when he's out with his friends. Though he is an endless source of ridicule among my family, my cousin is living proof of how spoiled a child in Hong Kong can be.

Photo via Wikimedia Commons

Tough love may seem harsh at first but it proves to be better for the child. Parents should learn to accept the fact that their child will one day grow up and leave them. Suffocating them with love and materialistic pleasures and shielding them from doing anything too hard will only lead them towards destruction. As the Nike quote says, "Just Do It." It's never too late to make the child wash the dishes, learn to do the chores or help with the cooking once in awhile no matter how hard it seems. A plant that grows up in a greenhouse dies when placed outside, but will thrive if it is accustomed to the wind and rain of the real world.