Helicopter Parents

By Erica (Age 14, St. Paul's)

"Darling honey, what do you want to eat? Do you want to try the chicky wings, or do you want to eat the cute wobbly jelly? Make up your mind, chocolate pie," a mother cooed behind me to her child. It happened during the summer when we were queuing up in a fast food chain, with her standing behind me. I turned my head, fully expecting to see a lovely toddler with cute pigtails, for they are the only ones who understand baby talk. However, to my utmost horror, the 'toddler' was actually a teenager, around my age, with a mask covering half of her face. Instead of being embarrassed, she giggled in a way that resembled Dora the Explorer. As if that wasn't enough, she replied to her mother in the same baby talk nonchalantly, not realizing that she was already too old for it.

The term "helicopter parents" was coined by an American author and refers to parents who constantly hover around their child. These "helicopter parents" give the best of everything to their child, pamper them with all sorts of luxuries and let the child do whatever they want, just to make them happy. These parents are always there to help their child, even when the requests made are outrageous. A teacher once told me that during a school trip to Beijing, a student's mom went along and stayed exactly where the child and the other students were staying. The child later complained to her mom that the mattress was too hard for her to sleep on. So the mother immediately went to the nearest shop and got her daughter a new mattress, which she slept on for only ten days. This is the perfect example of how spoiled kids are in Hong Kong. If parents follow their children everywhere, the kids will not be able to learn how to be independent and cope with unexpected situations.

Loving a child will easily turn into spoiling a child if parents don't draw the line somewhere. Parents will not always be able to provide for the child and be together with them. If children are accustomed to being the 'master' and having everything their way, they will suffer badly when they grow up since nobody will be there to unconditionally 'serve' them. Parents should focus on long-term effects rather than short-term ones when they want to pamper their child.

For example, when parents are reluctant to let their child go to overnight camps for fear that it's dangerous, they should focus on the good side. Camping is a great opportunity to test the child's independence, learn survival skills and be tougher. Keeping them at home will only hinder their personal and mental growth. Some lessons cannot be learned at home and it's time for the parents to let go.

Always being there for the child and helping them unconditionally will also affect the child's personality. The child may take the parents for granted and expect them to do everything for them. Bad attitude and aggressive behavior are also associated with over-pampering. My fifteen-year old cousin still needs his mom to bring him to school, carry his schoolbag and bring him lunch occasionally. My aunt brings him books for tutorial classes and calls him every ten minutes when he's out with his friends. Though he is an endless source of ridicule among my family, my cousin is living proof of how spoiled a child in Hong Kong can be.

Photo via Wikimedia Commons

Tough love may seem harsh at first but it proves to be better for the child. Parents should learn to accept the fact that their child will one day grow up and leave them. Suffocating them with love and materialistic pleasures and shielding them from doing anything too hard will only lead them towards destruction. As the Nike quote says, "Just Do It." It's never too late to make the child wash the dishes, learn to do the chores or help with the cooking once in awhile no matter how hard it seems. A plant that grows up in a greenhouse dies when placed outside, but will thrive if it is accustomed to the wind and rain of the real world.

Parent-School Complaint Letters

By Richard (Age 13.5, Chinese International School)

Editor's note: The following letters were written in response to an incident where a teacher told a 6th-grade student to "go shoot yourself." 


Dear Mr. Headmaster,

I am shocked at the behavior of one of your school staff, who apparently said to my son a few irresponsible, uncalled for and most extremely rude words. "Go shoot yourself." I mean, really? We as the parents are paying the school fee to go to your school, just to have our child abused and put down? My wife and I are shocked, and as for my darling son, I believe he is in a state of trauma. His self-esteem (or whatever is left of it after one of your teachers cursed at my child in such a vulgar manner) has not skyrocketed, as it should have done going to such a privileged school, but crash-landed in such a way that in its current state its dim light could be compared to that of a dwarf sun. To have (may I repeat) one of your teachers, who has been teaching at this school for 32 years so maliciously injure my child - well, it will not stand. I am suggesting - demanding - that you fire such an undisciplined "member of staff" or at least suspend such an evil mind from pay for at least one month. He is the snake and my child is the innocent mind of Adam, exploring the garden until it came in contact with such a dark and crippling soul. If such reprisals are not made, we shall bring the hurt down on you. This would, admittedly, make news.

                   Mr. and Mrs. Annoying

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Annoying,

I see your reason for frustration! However, let us not come to any dire situations or conclusions yet. It is to my understanding that one of our staff has offended you and possibly distressed your child. However, I personally beg of you to see it from the school's point of view. The teacher was under a lot of pressure and the whole class in general was being loud and hard to handle. Everyone has their fragile twig known as patience, and although some are made of finer woods than others, eventually they both snap and situations like such will arise. And when such situations arise, it is the duty of the staff and the parents to duly and patiently support the school. This school is well-known and I as the headmaster intend to keep its reputation skyrocketing. Including the media and press on this issue is really unnecessary and I urge you to reconsider your actions. I am sure that a compromise can be made. For example, how about moving your child into a different class? It is understandable that the child might feel certain pressure when working with someone who has so recently undermined them and like I said, a compromise can be made. The possible solutions that I have suggested cannot possibly scrape on the surface of the great universe of solutions, remedies, and compromises. Think about yourself. Everyone loses their temper sometime, and it's up to everyone to control it. Please reconsider your actions.

Mr. Headmaster 

Tiger Moms

By Vanessa (Age 13.5, St. Paul's Convent)

Recently, Amy Chua, Yale professor and author of the book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, published an essay on the Wall Street Journal. It caused such an uproar that everyone around the globe is talking about it.

Photo via Wikimedia Commons

In her essay, she talked about the 'teaching' methods she used on her two daughters, Louisa and Sophia. She expected perfect grades from them, and never allowed them to go to sleepovers, watch TV, or have boyfriends. They were made to practice violin or the piano for excessive hours too.

To tell you the truth, I don't agree with Amy Chua. How can a kid survive without her social life, Internet, or fun? It's just crazy. The methods she used were extreme and way over the line, and in short, inhumane. I can't picture how it would feel to be forced to do whatever my mother says especially when my social life is at stake.

On the other hand, I do have to give her credit. She was able to train her two daughters to ace practically every test or exam they have. They are also not hooked on drugs, computer games, or other entertainment that may take up most or a lot of their time. This is not what every child can achieve as there are many temptations around us these days, may it be computer games, TV, money, etc. What Amy did well was that she was able to prevent her daughters from being affected by temptations. She has made them strong and independent through her harsh training. However, I don't think that this should cost a happy childhood. Furthermore, it seems to me that she made it their life goal to get straight-A's in everything and just neglect everything else. Though she may have given them extremely good training on the piano and violin, I have a feeling that her daughters don't even know how to do the dishes.

Furthermore, I don't agree that Amy should just force her daughters to do whatever she wants them to do. Forcefully making someone do something is not the best way to get good results. Instead, she can settle for methods that are not so aggressive. She can sit down and discuss with them and try to work out a timetable or plan that the three of them are satisfied with. Amy should also remember that nobody is perfect, least of all her daughters. Although setting up a high standards will help her daughter academically, she should never forget that Louisa and Sophia are just young girls at heart. It is very natural for them to want to socialize and just have fun.

In a nutshell, I really think that Amy should just let her daughters make their decisions for themselves. Let them fail, and encourage them to try again. Keeping them in an ivory cage is not going to help them become strong. Only if they truly experience it for themselves can they understand and learn from it, and that is definitely not something straight-A's on every report card can do.