Helicopter Parents

By Erica (Age 14, St. Paul's)

"Darling honey, what do you want to eat? Do you want to try the chicky wings, or do you want to eat the cute wobbly jelly? Make up your mind, chocolate pie," a mother cooed behind me to her child. It happened during the summer when we were queuing up in a fast food chain, with her standing behind me. I turned my head, fully expecting to see a lovely toddler with cute pigtails, for they are the only ones who understand baby talk. However, to my utmost horror, the 'toddler' was actually a teenager, around my age, with a mask covering half of her face. Instead of being embarrassed, she giggled in a way that resembled Dora the Explorer. As if that wasn't enough, she replied to her mother in the same baby talk nonchalantly, not realizing that she was already too old for it.

The term "helicopter parents" was coined by an American author and refers to parents who constantly hover around their child. These "helicopter parents" give the best of everything to their child, pamper them with all sorts of luxuries and let the child do whatever they want, just to make them happy. These parents are always there to help their child, even when the requests made are outrageous. A teacher once told me that during a school trip to Beijing, a student's mom went along and stayed exactly where the child and the other students were staying. The child later complained to her mom that the mattress was too hard for her to sleep on. So the mother immediately went to the nearest shop and got her daughter a new mattress, which she slept on for only ten days. This is the perfect example of how spoiled kids are in Hong Kong. If parents follow their children everywhere, the kids will not be able to learn how to be independent and cope with unexpected situations.

Loving a child will easily turn into spoiling a child if parents don't draw the line somewhere. Parents will not always be able to provide for the child and be together with them. If children are accustomed to being the 'master' and having everything their way, they will suffer badly when they grow up since nobody will be there to unconditionally 'serve' them. Parents should focus on long-term effects rather than short-term ones when they want to pamper their child.

For example, when parents are reluctant to let their child go to overnight camps for fear that it's dangerous, they should focus on the good side. Camping is a great opportunity to test the child's independence, learn survival skills and be tougher. Keeping them at home will only hinder their personal and mental growth. Some lessons cannot be learned at home and it's time for the parents to let go.

Always being there for the child and helping them unconditionally will also affect the child's personality. The child may take the parents for granted and expect them to do everything for them. Bad attitude and aggressive behavior are also associated with over-pampering. My fifteen-year old cousin still needs his mom to bring him to school, carry his schoolbag and bring him lunch occasionally. My aunt brings him books for tutorial classes and calls him every ten minutes when he's out with his friends. Though he is an endless source of ridicule among my family, my cousin is living proof of how spoiled a child in Hong Kong can be.

Photo via Wikimedia Commons

Tough love may seem harsh at first but it proves to be better for the child. Parents should learn to accept the fact that their child will one day grow up and leave them. Suffocating them with love and materialistic pleasures and shielding them from doing anything too hard will only lead them towards destruction. As the Nike quote says, "Just Do It." It's never too late to make the child wash the dishes, learn to do the chores or help with the cooking once in awhile no matter how hard it seems. A plant that grows up in a greenhouse dies when placed outside, but will thrive if it is accustomed to the wind and rain of the real world.